i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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