if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
