don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
