Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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