You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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