last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
