I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
