Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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