When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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