We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
