Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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