It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
