she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
