i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
