worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
