My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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