so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
