Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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