im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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