I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
