please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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