just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
