I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
