just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
