I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
