That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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