On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
