My balls are so social today.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
