I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
