Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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