Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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