Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think a kid would responsible me up
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
