You don't have asthma, your pregnant
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
