Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
