Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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