I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
