Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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