y did u give ur computer a hand job?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
