Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
