I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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