I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You are a genius and a whore.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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