You just made me feel so damn special
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
