who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
