absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Randomize
