Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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