And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
