I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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