Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
