last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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