No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
