i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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