i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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