Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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